I Had To
by Ms.Chibi
Summary: Naruto is tired and he really doesn't see a point staying here. While contemplating life as he bleeds out on his bedroom floor, Sasuke finds him. His new chapter begins there.
1. Prologue

I'm looking for someone to beta this so I don't make too many mistakes. Just pm me, okay.

I do not own Naruto or anything else except the plot line.

**Warning: **There will be self-harm, suicidal thoughts and harsh language.

* * *

"_I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare." - Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story_

Look, I'm just gonna be frank, this is not a happy story. Close this now if you're expecting otherwise. You will surely be disappointed and I don't want to make anyone depressed cause of my problems. I will wait for you to close it…

For those of you who have stayed, then strap on your seat belts because it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I'm 18 years old and I've lived on my own for a very long time. I live in a village called Konaha and my parent's died when I was very young. Now that _that_ is over we can get on with the rest of it. I'm currently bleeding on my apartment floor. No, this is not because I was on a mission, but because I choose to be. I'm not happy, it's simple. I inflict pain upon myself because I want to distract myself from the real problem.

Staring at the ceiling is probably the most therapeutic feeling ever. It also drives me crazy. I still don't want to look outside myself and acknowledge the fact that I am-indeed- a mess. Confused as to where I'm going with this? Yeah, so am I. I'm trying to reevaluate what, who, where, when, and how I am.

What: I'm the Kyuubi- carrier and ninja.

Where: I'm in Konaha in my apartment.

When: Today is my birthday, October 10th

How: I am depressed.

Who: I don't know.

I don't know who I am anymore. I used to be Naruto, the number one knuckle head ninja. Then I became the person who will bring Sasuke back, become Hokage and then marry the one I love, have kids, protect the village I love and live to see my kids grow before someone assassinated me or I die peacefully. The End.

So who am I? Why should I protect the village that wanted me to die, who have cursed my name, who have broken into my apartment and wrecked everything I have? Why should keep up with the facade when all I want to do is sleep and never wake up? Why should I? All these questions and all I can think of is _"because you have to_".

What kind of bullshit is that? No, I'm not going to do that. I've done what I had promised Sakura. I brought him back, okay?! Sasuke is in the village, he is a part of team 7 again, and she can continue to fawn over the man. I want to be left alone. I want to die, right here, right now on my birthday. If I'm gonna go, it's going to be fucking poetic and dramatic. Not that anyone ever bothers to remember my birthday anyhow.

So here I am, on my apartment floor, bleeding out because I'm tired. I'm tired of smiling at people who don't care, of pushing myself so whole-heartedly when my efforts go unseen. I feel my tears fall across my cheeks, and into my hair. The shadows are getting longer in my room, the sun must be setting. Or am I dying already? My eyes are closing, and I'm sleepy.

"Naruto!"

My eyes shot open and I see Sasuke standing over me, and he's shaking me. "What are you doing? Why are you bleeding?! Don't you dare close your eyes Naruto…Naruto?!"

"I'm tired Sasuke, leave me...alone..." and I slip. I slip into the darkness and I embrace its cold, dead, hands.

* * *

Now, I've never died before, but I'm pretty sure I'm not dead. I feel sore and my wrists hurt along with my sides. I sigh before deciding to open my eyes. Yeah, I'm in the hospital. To my left is the window where the sunlight has been shining in, the warmth not what I want.

I hear light snoring and I look to my right and…Sasuke is laying there, his head resting by hand. He looks exhausted, the darkness below his eyes indicating so. I sit up and wince, the pain shooting up my side. I quickly look to Sasuke to see if he woke up. He was still sleeping, and I feel the regret fire through my chest. No one was suppose to find me. I was going to die by myself, as the sun set in my room.

I looked out the window again and I saw leaves fall down, fall wind sweeping them up into view again.

"Why'd you do it, Naruto?" I heard Sasuke ask from behind me. I stiffened, not wanting this conversation just yet. "Go home Sasuke, I'm sure you're tired." Sasuke pulled me sharply, forcing me to look at him. "Why did you do it Naruto? Why bring me back here and then attempt to off yourself, huh?!" Sasuke's face seething anger, fingers gripping the hospital gown harshly. I look at his eyes and I see the anger there, but I also see…pain?

"Sasuke…?" I reach out a hand but Sasuke has already pulled away. His bangs cover his face, and he stands. "You've been out for a week. I'll get Tsunade." He got up, and left the room.

I stare at the ceiling, confused and…regretful. Something has changed, my story has changed. I'm going to have see it to the end…aren't I?

* * *

So this is it. Now if I can keep with this, the great. Note, I am a college student so uploads won't be too frequent. But I will do my best.


	2. Chapter 1

I'm actually pleasantly surprised from the stats this story has gotten in 1 day. Now, being encouraged as I have been, I will continue as far as I can.

I do not own Naruto or anything else except the plot line.

**Warning: **There will be self-harm, suicidal thoughts and harsh language.

* * *

I really do love Tsunade, and I immediately regret trying to kill myself as soon as I saw her come into the room. Her haggard state was enough to make me get up and hug her, tell her I'm okay, and that I'm sorry for making her worry. I moved to do so, but then I saw her eyes. Her eyes screamed for to lie down. I felt the anger emitting from her in waves and I considered making a go for the window.

"Naruto…Do you have ANY idea what you just did to my heart? ANY IDEA HOW I STAYED UP SLAVING OVER YOUR COLD, DEAD BODY IN SHOCK?! Can you even POSSIBLY understand the hurt, the AGONY that I went through because the closest thing to a son tried to take away his life?" The loose strands from her ponytails clung to her face. Her eyes were circled dark, and her clothes were wrinkly. She waited for me to say something, but I couldn't. I just stared back, the regret already pooling in my throat.

Don't get me wrong, I want to say something. But how can I? Most of the stuff I want to say is selfish and dark.

_What YOU'VE been through?! Did YOU get beaten up at the tender age of 9 for no damn reason?! Did YOU strive for others attention cause all you got was rocks and sticks?! Did YOU take care of yourself when it seemed impossible because the store clerks always glared and threw you out?! DID YOU THINK ABOUT ANY OF THAT AT ALL!?_

But my heart knew she couldn't possibly know that, we never talked about it. I had every chance to; ask her to sit down and just talk to me because no one will and I feel like I'm going to explode from all this pent up anger, sadness, loneliness, all this EMOTION. But she could've asked as well. She could've looked into my eyes and seen the mask that slips every moment I'm outside my apartment walls, the tired that seemed to seep into my soul. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but didn't.

Tsunade took my silence as my answer though, and continued. "You will remain in the hospital till I see you fit to leave. Then you will move into Sasuke's home until further notice. You are not to be on missions, you're on leave till further notice. Understood?" I numbly nodded my head.

I expected most of that, the Sasuke bit being the only surprise. She turned to leave.

"Tsunade wait! Look, none of this your fault. I want you to know this, okay? And I am sorry. I wasn't counting on getting caught…" I immediately realized that the last part was mistake as she whirled around and fire erupted from her eyes.

"Of course this is my fault! I should've told you that I was planning something for your birthday, I should've told you that you're doing a great job as a shinobi, I should've just followed my instincts when I realized that something was wrong, but no! I ignored all of it. But I'm not the only one to blame either. You should've realized that people do love you." And she slammed the door in finality. The conversation was obviously over.

And she said everything I realized 10 seconds ago. But no, I never realized that people loved me. I sat, dejected at the conversations turn of events. _Love…_no, the thought never crossed my mind. That's because I crossed it off of my list of reasons to be here. No one loves me because I don't know what love is. I've felt every emotion on earth. But love is lost to me. I know what platonic love is, and maybe I've even felt that. I love Sakura, Sasuke, and Tsunade…everyone else. But the feeling of love…that **I** crave is lost to me. Do I even deserve love? Right then, someone knocked on the door.

"Come in."

And a pink head popped in, clutching flowers in her hand. Sakura, the rosette, slide into the chair that once occupied Sasuke. Did Sasuke go home? On the desk next to me, was a vase and Sakura gently settled the flowers in. Daisies, from what I can guess. They were white and yellow, and they gleamed, like they were just watered.

"How are you Naruto?" Sakura asked, her face troubled, but she was trying to hide it. Naruto sighed, and looked to the window. "You can yell at me too, if you want." And Naruto heard shuffling, so he looked back to her. She was shaking her head. "I wouldn't yell at you Naruto. Is that what you want? I know you got an earful from Tsunade and I'm sure Sasuke wasn't kind either. You've had enough for one day. I just want to talk with you."

I stared at her, and what seemed like forever, I finally collapsed. My straight posture slumped and I fell back into my pillow and covered my eyes with my arm. The shaking in my shoulders probably was a sign to Sakura that I was not okay, and she remained silent as the tears fell from my eyes. I let go of everything I could, right in front of her. Any image of me being happy, go lucky Naruto was diminished right in front of her as the sobs got louder and more out of control. Sakura leaned her head onto my stomach and placed her hand onto mine. I felt like I fell into a parallel world.

Here I am, crying my heart out while Sakura had her head in my lap. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. When it seemed like I couldn't stop crying, Sakura took my arm from my face and looked into my eyes. She looked into my eyes and waited for me to stop crying.

"I love you, Naruto. You're the brother I wanted. You are strong and smart, even though you don't let others in on it. You can take anything that's thrown your way. This is no different. I'm here for you…I know I never said it before, but I am here. So, talk to me whenever you want. About anything, just don't take yourself from this world. You brighten this horrible place up, you make me push myself further then I have before. You inspire me. You _INSPIRE_ others. When you're ready, you know where to find me." As she rose to leave, I grabbed her hand.

"Stay a little longer, please. In all this madness, you're the only thing that makes sense. Plus, I'm really hungry," and I smiled that unruly smile, and I knew I would feel better. Maybe, but it was a start.

* * *

I stood outside of Naruto's hospital room, and all I wanted to do was go in there, and just talk to him. I haven't spoken to him properly since I came back. He brought me back, so I assumed he would speak to me. When he didn't, I didn't bother to reach out to him. I, Sasuke Uchiha, am an idiot. He was a few meters away and I can't find the courage to open the door and walk the few steps into the room and open my mouth.

This isn't me. I don't ever lack courage. I get what I want, when I want to. But Naruto, unfortunately, is different. And I never knew. I never knew how much I missed him till I saw him bleeding on his apartment floor. I never knew how close to losing him I was until he closed his eyes and his breathing slowed. I never knew how much I craved his presence till I sat by his bead-side, begging internally for him to wake up. Never, did I know.

I never knew how much I loved him, how much I truly loved him till I saw him awake, with the sun streaming through the window, bright golden hair made brighter still. And his blue eyes turned to me, and I saw the pain.

I'm in love with Naruto Uzumaki and I want to fix his broken heart.

* * *

Here you go, and enjoy. Or...I don't know.


	3. Chapter 2

This has been wonderful for me. I can't believe how many people enjoy this story. Thank you very much

I do no own Naruto or anything else except the plotline.

**Warning: **There will be self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and harsh language.

* * *

You know, it's amazing how many people do care. But it's also very sad how many show up after you try to kill yourself. Where were they when I lay on my bed and cried myself to sleep? When I could barely feed myself? When the villagers ransacked my house and took anything remotely precious to me?

No matter, they're here now; that's what matters the most right? All in all, pretty much anyone I knew came to visit me. Kiba came and we talked for hours, him telling me about how Akamaru chased Pakkun around and Kakashi getting mad at them. He made me feel better, never even spoke about my "incident" as Sakura put it. Hinata came and she brought me my favorite miso ramen, and she listened whenever I still felt the hurt, the loneliness. Shikamaru and Choji came by as well, and I played Shikamaru while Choji watched. I enjoyed the silent companionship and the occasional crunch of chips. I surprisingly beat Shikamaru twice. He's so sneaky; he lurks in the shadows, waiting for you to mess up before striking.

Kakashi and Iruka came by too, and Kami, that was bad. Iruka clung to me, shoulders shaking as he sobbed into my shoulder. Kakashi gave me a hug and smile, well; I knew it was a smile. Iruka peeled me apples and asked me how I was, did I need anything, and did my pillow need fluffing. He told me that he would visit me at Sasuke's whenever he had the chance. And soon they left as well. Gaara wrote me a note, and I was pleasantly shocked that information had gotten so far as out there. As written he said:

_Try to kill yourself again and I will personally bring you back to life just to end it again. If you need a vacation, just come to the Sand Village. You will always be welcomed here._

_-Kazekage, Gaara._

Gaara's message was to be expected, if eventually I knew I'd hear from him. No, what surprised me the most was when Neji came by. I haven't been that close to Neji, but he's my comrade. But what he told me today made me respect him more. The sun was just rising and I couldn't sleep. I had a nightmare and it's kept me up, the same one.

_I'm running through the village, and everyone keeps staring, whispering, glaring. I have to get away from them, and in my mind it kept screaming to the forest! Go to the forest! I would get there and it would be dark. The sun wouldn't break through the sea of leaves above me and I knew immediately that this was a bad idea. I turned around to find Sasuke and everyone else glaring at me, all with kunai in their hands. They would step closer, the blood thirst overflowing. Their faces started to warp and laughing could be heard all around. Sasuke lifts up the kunai and looks me in the eyes_

"_**Die demon!"**_

And I wake up every time before they kill me. Lying there, I hear a knock on my door. I sigh and sit up. "Come, in" and here I'm expectingto see Sakura, or even Hinata.

Neji instead walks in, and he stands by the chair. "Mind if I…?"

"No, please go ahead Neji."

At this point it's quiet, and I can hear the birds chirping outside. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you." His eyes took in the bags under mine, and I look away. "No, I haven't been. I'm plagued by nightmares…" I hesitate and he looks at me, and I can see it. He knows exactly how I feel. I can see the scars of hatred that's been imprinted on his soul and I can see the tears he once shed. I can see it, and he knows I can. He displays it for my eyes to bear.

"Neji…wha..?"

"Remember the chunin exams? When you fought me, I was dying on the inside. I wanted you to beat me, beat me to a pulp, and destroy me, so I wouldn't do it myself. I was coward, and I hated myself for it. For years, I was depressed. I wanted to die more than anything else. After everything that had happened to me, I didn't want to serve Hinata-sama. Then one day, I realized that they wouldn't care. If I had died then, they wouldn't have noticed. Or that's what it felt like.

Then you came prancing in, protecting Hinata's honor, and it made me angry. Why should you care about her honor? She was a monster to me, her ability to put me in line made me afraid and fear leads to desperation, and that leads to anger. I had a chance to beat her, and not be tortured for it. Yet, you claim to win for her.

My pride made me fight back. But in the end I lost. You're words afterwards though…about choosing my own destiny…I've held onto those words since then. They've kept me going this entire time. Don't lose this battle against yourself. Encourage other people, and they will respect you; like I respect you."

Neji stood up to leave, and I was speechless. "Th-thank you!" and Neji laughed. "You sounded like Hinata-sama" and that was the first time I blushed in a long time. Neji left and I felt good. I felt better and whole again. The sun is high in the sky and I feel like I can sleep tonight.

* * *

**Sasuke POV**

I set the bedroom that's across from mine. Tsunade has informed me that Naruto will be released from the hospital tomorrow. The black sheets and comforter are set on the bed, it's clean and whatever was sharp and/or can be used to inflict pain was removed from the room. I sighed, still trying to think of something to add to the room, to brighten it up. Then I thought; Naruto doesn't have a lot of clothes…maybe I can go shopping for him? No, he would take it as pity…maybe I can get him a plushy…? No, because he would feel babied. I know I would…maybe a lifetime supply of ramen from Ichiraku's? He would be happy, but it's not special enough. I want to find a way to tell him I care about him without saying it outright…because I'm not a girl.

I glared at my reflection in the mirror and criticized my idiocy. Nothing I can think of would be good enough.

I'm starting to get a little desperate. I'm gonna do something. I'm gonna sink pretty low, just to impress Naruto. I'm gonna go talk to Sakura and Hinata. Maybe Ino, if she's not busy.

I grabbed my keys and locked up, then went to look for the pinkette and lavender eyed girl.

* * *

Naruto's POV

I still haven't seen Sasuke, and I'm gonna check out in 30 minutes. What was the guy doing? Does he even care?

"Naruto"

And speak of the devil. I turned from the window to face my friend, my rival, and now my guardian until further notice. I sighed and got up from the bed. "You're late" I said, glaring.

"What are you talking about? I'm 24 minutes early. It doesn't matter, as long as I'm here, I can sign you out early. C'mon." and with that, he left the room. I sighed once again and followed him out.

It was the first time I left the room since I was admitted there…and now I was going to the outside world for the first time.

I looked for Sasuke only to find him by the nurses' station, filing out my release form. I walked up and stood beside him as I waited.

Sasuke gave the women back the paper and turned to me. "Let's go" and I followed behind. I was leaving this place and now going to my next prison. I bet Sasuke doesn't have anything fun to do at his house. If I'm gonna be on leave, then I'm gonna need something to do, besides train. I doubt I can even do that.

"Do you want something to eat?" Sasuke startled me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him and saw him glancing behind his back to look at me. "And why are you behind me? You can walk beside me like a normal person." I glared at him, but nonetheless, sped up so I was beside him.

"I would like some ramen, but since you ha-"

"No…we can get ramen if you want" and I stopped dead in my tracks. Okay, so I'm dreaming. Or maybe I'm dead. Maybe I did die, and everyone that came by were just figments in my heaven/hell that was concocted to make me feel better about the whole situation and nothing is-

"Naruto! Hurry up and get over here so we can get your lousy ramen and get home!"

Nope, never mind. This is real.

* * *

Sasuke POV

I sat and watched as Naruto shoveled bowls of ramen down his throat and was amazed about much that hadn't changed.

So far, the plan was working.

Flashback

_I walked up to Sakura's house and knocked. I only had to wait a moment before Sakura opened the door._

"_Oh! Sasuke, so nice to see you. What is it that you need?" and she stepped aside to let me in. _

"_What makes you think that I need something?" I looked around, this being the first time since I was in the kunoichi's house. It was simple, and bright. The living room was nice, a couch with and end table and loveseat. Sakura gestured to the couch and they both sat._

"_Because Sasuke, you never come over. So, what do you need?" and she waited patiently for me to respond. I struggled with words, how was I supposed to tell her that I want to do something nice for Naruto without giving away that I love him? She's too smart for her own good…I'll just be straight forward._

"_I want to do something nice for Naruto. Something meaningful"_

_Sakura's eyes brightened and her smile widened. "Let's throw him a party! Lady Tsunade wanted to, but never got around to saying it to everyone. Let's have it at your place and…."And she went on and on till my brain felt like it was gonna melt. _

"_Okay, you set up everything and invite everyone. I'll get Naruto tomorrow while you do whatever you need to my house."_

_Sakura beamed and nodded. "I'll get started!"_

End Flashback

And here I am, indulging Naruto till I came to the time to get him to my house. I got up when the 20th bowl was finished and grabbed his arm. "C'mon, I need to go food shopping" and I heard Naruto whine and pout behind me as I paid for our food.

An hour and a bunch grocery bags later, and we arrived at my house. I opened up the door and let Naruto in first.

"**SURPRISE NARUTO!"** and Naruto stood there, gob-smacked and teary eyed.

* * *

Naruto POV

I dropped the grocery bags to find everyone standing in Sasuke's living room, with a banner saying "We love you! Happy Birthday!" and I nearly broke down in tears. Instead I threw myself into my friends' arms.

"Thank you!" I said, with my throat tight and eyes shut, wavering smile on my lips. And so the party began. People talked and hugged the boy as he smiled at everyone. Lady Tsunade pulled the boy into her arms and squeezed him tightly, wishing him a happy birthday. Everyone settled down and soon Kiba shouted out "Crack open the gifts!" and everyone eagerly pulled out boxes and bags with ribbons on them.

I stared wide eyed at the growing pile of presents, some big, some small. Clothes, weapons, (which were confiscated by Sasuke after I put them aside) and knick knacks where given to me. They were small stuff, but each item was something special from everyone. And they made him feel special. Cared about, even loved. Soon it started to get late, and after I yawned, everyone decided it was time to go.

One by one, everyone hugged me goodbye, the last being Sakura. She pulled me aside and whispered to him. "I hope you had a nice time, if it weren't for Sasuke, this wouldn't have happened. He came by and asked me to help him," and I was surprised. Sasuke did this for me? And I was happy. I smiled widely and hugged Sakura one last time.

"Thank you" I said.

"Thank Sasuke." And she left.

I closed the door and locked it, turning back to the living room to see Sasuke cleaning up. I started helping, a companionable silence between us. We finished up and I turned to him.

"Thanks for this Sasuke, it really meant a lot to me."

Sasuke just nodded before leading me to my room. I opened the door before he stopped me. "You have one last gift," and he handed me a square box before going to his room and shutting the door.

Curious, I shut my own door and sat on my bed. I un-wrapped the box and lifted the lid and I sat in silence as I looked at the picture frame in front of me. It was a picture of Kushina and Minato, holding me up in the air, smiling and looking so happy. My chest ached, and I felt the tears stream to my eyes. I set the frame on the bedside table and opened the door to knock on Sasuke's

He opened and I lunged at him, hugging him tightly and I cried into his shoulder. He held me back, and whispered "Sakura told me about you finding out who your parents were, and I found the picture in archives…"

I pulled back and smiled. "Thank you so much, thank you…"and I sobbed the words into his shoulder and cried for a very long time before falling asleep.

* * *

Sasuke POV

Naruto has fallen asleep in my arms, and I felt so happy that he liked the gift. I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. I swopped the boy up in my arms and carried him to his bedroom. I took off his shirt and then changed his pants, before finally tucking him in. His golden hair stood out as the moonlight shined in, illuminating Naruto's smooth features.

I brushed his hair back and Naruto sighed, before smiling a little bit. I smiled myself, and leaned over to brush my lips on Naruto's cheek before leaving him to glisten in the starlight.

* * *

Okay, that's all folks! I'm really glad you guys like this story so much. I will try my best to continue.


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